Some of the most successful men I know become most helpless when it comes to approaching women. They can be the most charismatic conversationalists and powerful executives. When it comes to meeting women, however, they turn from industry giants into frightened little boys.
What makes matters worse is the fact that women expect men to lead, they expect men to take matters into their hands and make the first move. So if a man stumbles or hesitates, women are too quick to attribute it to lack of interest or intellect.
There are a number of reasons men have approach anxiety. Some are not sure how to start a conversation. Others may be intimidated by beautiful women. Some are just painfully shy around strangers. Still for others, there may be deep-seeded psychological issues that may need to be uncovered and treated through therapy. Answers and help may come from different sources and in different forms.
Here, are some quick and easy tips for you to try.
1. UNDERSTAND THE TARGET OF REJECTION. You are not being rejected. You are not being judged. The woman whom you just approached in a bar knows nothing about you. There may be a whole list of reasons why she said no: she had a bad day at work, she is not feeling well, she is married or has a boyfriend, etc. Whatever it is, she did not reject you because you are a bad or ugly person. She rejected you because at this moment, you were not what she needed in her life.
2. PREPARE. If you’re one of the people who never know what to say, prepare a few line openers at home and rehearse them. It is always best to rehearse in front of the mirror so that you may notice and eliminate many involuntary twitches and jerks that may look silly or unappealing.
3. DO NOT TAKE YOURSELF TOO SERIOUSLY. Lighten the mood by approaching a woman in a playful and flirtatious way. It is a lot more difficult for a woman to reject a guy who is willing to laugh at himself (be careful to not laugh too much, however, as you don’t want to present to her a village idiot).
4. NEVER APPROACH FROM AN INFERIOR PLACE. Think about it. You may just be the guy this woman wanted all her life. You know your worth. What you are offering her is priceless: love and relationship. If she turns it down, there will be another woman more than happy to accept it.
5. BE UNIQUE. Don’t approach a woman in a way everyone else does. You will become invisible and forgettable real quick. Give her a reason to want to talk to you. For example, instead of saying, ‘Hi, my name is Rick,’ you may open with ‘I hope you can help me. I am deciding on a birthday gift for my sister. It’s between a bracelet and an iPad. What do you think?’’ Women love being helpful as much as they love offering their opinion. Opening a conversation with a question, with a purpose, gives her an opportunity to shine that she is not likely to pass up.
6. BECOME IMMUNE TO REJECTION. Go out and get rejected. Many times over. Don’t have any delusions about it: it will be difficult in the beginning. Very difficult. However, the more you go through the process, the easier it will become. You will eventually become resistant to rejection. I promise.
7. PUT THINGS IN PERSPECTIVE! You are not solving world problems. You are not discovering cure for cancer. It is not a matter of life and death. You are just trying to start a conversation with a woman whom you do not know. That is it. How will your life be affected if she turns you down? Will you lose your job and become destitute? No. Will you lose custody of your children and never be allowed to see them again? No. Will you develop a terminal illness? No.
So remember: the next time you see a beautiful woman whom you would like to meet, don’t pass up your chance. Be prepared, be confident and be ready to meet the woman of your dreams.
It’s an age-old story: you meet a girl at a party (or online). You start texting and flirting, allowing yourself to believe that you may have found the woman of your dreams. You can’t wait for the first date, counting the minutes until you are together. When you finally meet you’re still just as excited, but by the end of the date you start to feel that she is withdrawn and cold. When you lean in for a kiss, you get the side of her cheek and a corner of an ear (if you’re lucky). When you text her again, the response is “I had a lovely time, but I don’t think that this will work out.”