Man trying to flirt with a woman

Is She Playing Hard To Get Or Is She Really Not Into You?

Some bad news for you Gentlemen: you’re not the only ones that play the game. Women will sometimes turn the tables on you and play hard to get. Just like you will work hours (and sometimes days) eliciting value, a girl will shut down in hopes of getting more effort from you. Is she doing it on purpose? At times. Other times, it may be her instinct kicking in, or her mother’s words echoing in her ears: “Make him work for you.”

Does that mean the girl is not interested in you? Absolutely not. Quite the contrary: she is very interested. As a matter of fact, I would take it a step further: the more interested she is, the more she will play hard to get. There are generally two reasons a girl will give you a cold shoulder even when interested: A. She does not want to appear ‘easy’. B: She is testing your level of interest. So how can you tell if a girl is playing hard to get as opposed to just not being interested in you?

Here are a few ways:

  1. She will not answer your calls… But she will call you in a day or two ‘just to say hi’. Alternatively, she may text you later to say that she was too busy to answer the phone.
  2. She will turn down every date proposal you offer. However, she will counter will subtle hints like “there is this trendy club that just opened downtown.” That means she is interested, she just wants you to take her somewhere she prefers.
  3. Look for physical signs and body language to see if she is really interested. Does she play with or flip her hair in front of you? Does she suggestively suck on her cocktail straw? Does she stroke that wineglass stem as she’s talking to you? All these are tell-tale signs she is interested in you and is just playing hard to get.

So what are some ways to combat her method?

  1. Beat her at her own game. If you determined that she is interested, lean back (not toward) her when she speaks to you. Treat flirting the way you would a poker game: you don’t want to reveal all your cards at once. Keep her guessing about your own interest. Give her hints of compliments to make her wonder if you’re into her. If you give away too much, she will loose interest.
  2. Play her game. If she does not answer your call – do not call back. Wait for her to text or call. Same with texting: don’t be in a hurry to answer her texts. Let one or two of them linger. If she texts back that she is ‘worried’, answer her eventually by saying that you were so wrapped up you did not even have time to read her text.
  3. Keep the mystery. While dropping subtle hints that you like her, do not actually say so or behave in a way that would smother her. The less you reveal about yourself, the more you spark her curiosity. If she is curious, she will come back.
  4. Give her space. More often than not, a girl playing hard to get needs her space. Do not initiate lingering contact. Do not invade her space too much and generally. Peak her interest intellectually, not physically.

If none of these tactics work, she is not playing hard to get. She is just not interested. In that case, no matter how much you wanted it, cut your losses and move on. There is nothing worse than a guy who just won’t go away!

Portrait of young woman signals stop

10 Biggest Turnoffs In A Man

It’s an age-old story: you meet a girl at a party (or online). You start texting and flirting, allowing yourself to believe that you may have found the woman of your dreams. You can’t wait for the first date, counting the minutes until you are together. When you finally meet you’re still just as excited, but by the end of the date you start to feel that she is withdrawn and cold. When you lean in for a kiss, you get the side of her cheek and a corner of an ear (if you’re lucky). When you text her again, the response is “I had a lovely time, but I don’t think that this will work out.” Read More